K texts to tell me she's going phone after a meeting - she has news...
It's obviously going to be bad news, although stupidly I'm allowing myself to think something else has happened - good news or something. Logic tells me this is utter impossibility - my stupid flipping imagination is doing overtime with happy scenarios - stop it you fucking traitor!
Just enough time to elapse between text and phone call to build up hope - for which I will obviously suffer later. I am a fool to myself - a complete bloody fool.
The reality is I will not stop being pathetically optimistic until she is on that plane.
That can't be soon enough really...
Post Phone Call..
S is still very angry with me, she doesn't hate me apparently but is still not calm enough to speak or meet me. I think this helps - she is clearly being a complete .....
Obviously I'm more than peed off but the more ridiculous this 'anger' she has continues tells me what I need to hear.
Starting to appreciate what she has done to me.
You can jerk somebody around for years, coming in and out of their life, good enough for some things not quite good enough for others, you can then demand houses here and there changing your mind as you go... You can rely on me to be there when you are hurting and in pain or having bad thoughts - expect me to forgive you for lying to me about things. You can then effectively leave me on the cusp of living together, house buying and holidays for someone you've never met - not even bothering to tell me face to face. Thank me for Anniversary flowers, fuck up our trip to Switzerland, start the lies back in July...
I fuck up four years ago and pay and pay and pay, I then react with pain and anger when you lie to me about US jobs and have your thing sprayed across twitter feeds and chat rooms installed by you on my computer. Ruin some of my favourite songs - DJ twinkle you sound so sweet - you aint.
and you are the one that is angry???
Well yeah sure...
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