Sunday... my own 9/11

Well it's now Monday and I've seen S, possibly for the last ever I'm sad about that.

Meeting was essential though, unless she was putting on a damn good act I couldn't see any hostility there. The last few weeks have been hell because of the leaving and the hate. But knowing that realistically she was going to up and go at some point tempers the leaving part. Her eyes have always been straining to see just what's over the horizon.

And it's such a relief to see the hate dissipate, we've both been daft in action and reaction to things and it's good that there is the basis of trust there again - knowing her love of symmetrical things, meeting for the last time in a pub in w after meeting in a pub in w all those years ago, I'm sure will satisfy her somewhat.

Her new world sounds absolutely fascinating, scary too, but like something out of Hollywood movie - just hope she makes it to the epilogue. Must try not to get too interested - it's not really fair. 

Back @ dad's and after the wii bowling (numb as fuck) what am I doing here? I call K and she's very relieved, bless her, the emotion of Saturday's phone call helped put things into perspective... As far as I'm concerned that was all real, but she's a sly old fox. Also text kc who had wished me luck the night before...

Every time I get an email or text at mum's she's like: Is that one of your male friends? Where does he live? Have you met him? What part of email buddy doesn't she get?? Any I did get a lovely mail from mj wishing me luck and giving me some useful advice - too late cos the mail arrived 5 mins after meeting - but I think I unknowingly followed most of it.

Spent a nice couple of hours with mbro and family, very understanding, for some reason they never got to read the blogpost so I had to actually do the whole 'bisexual bit' face to face - no problems there.

Drove home rather quickly and bought more fags - naughty naughty boy!!!

Couldn't sleep too well, got tor'd up and had a look around the hidden wiki, needs another look, but I suspect the really good stuff is buried deep deep deep. A bit like me - haha!

Counselling in a bit...

Mon 12 Sept 8AM.